ROSES & HANGING BASKETS
>> A teenage granddaughter
>> Comes downstairs for her date
>> With this see-through blouse on and no bra.
>> Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
>> Telling her not to dare go out like that!
>> The teenager tells her
>> "Loosen up Grams.
>> These are modern times.
>> You gotta let your rose buds show!"
>> And out she goes.
>> The next day the teenager comes downstairs,
>> And the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
>> The teenager wants to die.
>> She explains to her grandmother
>> That she has friends coming over
>> And that it is just not appropriate.....
>> The grandmother says,
>> "Loosen up,
>> Sweetie.
>> If you can show off your rose buds,
>> Then I can display my hanging baskets.
>>
>> Happy Gardening.
>> (This is too funny not to share!)
>

Little Johnny's Story

> Have a good laugh.....
>
> Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go
> into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane
> in a passionate embrace.
> Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as
> he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the
> playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went
> back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her
> take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then
> Aunt Jane........" At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this
> is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper
> time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
>
> At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny
> started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go in to
> the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane
> a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped
> Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same
> thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
> Mommy fainted! Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story
> before you interrupt.

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully no one else had posted any of the jokes i put here..I noticed that someone else had posted one so i deleated mine ( even though mine was posted a few days before hers) Sorry, i can't read everyones blog every day and only put them here to share the e-mails my friends send me.........this one i LOVE

>>>Sunday Morning Sex
>>>>
>>>>I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
>>>>
>>>>Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
>>>>straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother
>>>>and
>>>>comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
>>>>replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday
>>>>Morning."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
>>>>having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing
>>>our advanced
>>>>age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
>>>>start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and
>>>>even...Nothing too
>>>>strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if
>>>the
>>>>ice cream truck hadn't come along.

You Are 28% Nerdy

You're a little nerdy, but no one would ever call you a nerd. You sometimes get into nerdy things, but only after they've become a part of mainstream culture.

>> "Lord, I have a problem."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "What's the problem, Eve?"
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful
> > >> >>garden and all
> > >> >> of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious
> > >> >>comedic snake,
> > >> >> but I'm just not happy."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "And why is that Eve?"
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall
> > >> >>create a man for
> > >> >> you."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "Man? What is that Lord?"
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
> > >> >>cheat and be
> > >> >> vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll
> > >> >>be bigger,
> > >> >> faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll
> > >> >>create him in
> > >> >> such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He
> > >> >>will be
> > >> >> witless and will revel in childish things like fighting
> > >> >>and
> > >> >> kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he
> > >> >>will
> > >> >> also need your advice to think properly."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised
> > >> >>eyebrows, "but
> > >> >> what's the catch, Lord?"
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "Well ... you can have him on one condition."
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "And what's that Lord?"
> > >> >>
> > >> >> "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring
> > >> >>... so
> > >> >> you'll have to let him believe that I made him first.
> > >> >>And it will
> > >> >> have to be our little secret ... you know, woman to
> > >> >>woman."