AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even
more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she
pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken'

Living Will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

She's Such A Bitch

This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck.
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An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an emp loyee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No probl em", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that t he president's testicles were square

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day bef ore. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
"Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !"

The origin of this Canadian story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent. Whoever breaks the chain would definitely be unlucky.

Do not keep t his letter. And do not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. Something good will happen to you in the next four days. If the chain is not broken, you will have good luck during the four days.

Even if all you do is make someone laugh, send it on!

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YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL


A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,"the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."


Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.


"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license, It is like a report card, it has everything on it."


Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce.


"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"


"Because you got an F in sex."

The Blond and The Windows


"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.
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Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
"Helllooooo! !" (I told him). "It's been a year!"
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up...he hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again."